Indian Gazette Oddities – a tongue-in-cheek Overview

Best Bikini Body - Priyanka Chopra, Kareena Kapoor or Bipasha Basu India has a wealth of daily newspapers, many of which are in English. I simply love sitting in a beach shack, a smooth sea breeze blowing, having my coffee shake and reading up what happened over the last couple of days.

Most newspapers in India are surprisingly well put together, having a nice mix of global and regional news, entertainment buzz or gossip and local politics as well as Bollywood snippets. Still, like in other countries, as an outsider some articles might strike you a bit odd:

Interesting newspapers available in Goa are the following Gazettes: The Herald, NavHind Times (all 2 Goan), The Times of India, The Goa Times (inlet of Times of India), The Asian Age (with more regional stories) among others. The best thing – most daily newspapers are very cheap here, they cost only between Rs 2-4 per piece, which is about 4-6 Cent of a Dollar or Euro.

Here is a quick overview on what strange and sometimes funny stories are currently the talk of the town.

Local News (Goa)

Should lifeguards in Goa now be protected by bodyguards? This is a speculation after lifeguards were harassed by domestic tourists, when they put up red flags due to developing currents in the sea between Baga and Calangute. Some domestic tourists felt patronized when they were not allowed to go swimming in the sea anymore, so they started to beat up the lifeguards. That said, in 2008, around 72 persons (most of the domestic) lost their lives in dangerous waters around Goa.

Traffic is one of the most notorious killers here in Goa. Most participants simply don’t know how to drive. Men, grandfathers and school kids accelerate up to full speed, the rest is done by constant honking and hectic movements of the steering wheel alone. Horrific accidents are abound with huge death ratios. You can read about many tragic events every day in a very sensational manner. This time it caught up with the Sub-Inspector of Police of the northern coastal town Siolim. He smashed his car into a mango tree, literally cutting the vehicle in half by the impact, killing himself and 4 others of his family. The accident happened around 2pm due to ‘rash driving’ by the Police Inspector.

A Religious Sect confronts Russian tourists for wearing a t-shirt with a Hindu symbol in Goa. In Mapusa, one of the largest towns here in the North a brawl erupted between a Russian couple and a group of 25 persons of an Hindu Sect. The Russian woman was confronted for wearing a T-Shirt with a Hindu symbol (the ‘OM’ symbol), which she bought on the Mapusa Flea Market just nearby. She was asked by the Sect members to remove the t-shirt immediately, which the couple challenged by asking the sect to stop the vendors selling those t-shirts. The matter was referred to a police man and both parties were brought to the nearest police station where the matter could be settled. No complaint was filed.

A Road Roller for road maintenance was crashing into a car and a house in Valpoi, causing damage of about Rs 30.000. The area features a steep slope and a bus caused a similar incident just a few days back, when it landed in a gutter in the same area. Before plunging into the drainage, the bus was ramming the wall of a house first. The Police is asking for more caution in this accident-prone area.

Regional Indian News:

Now we are zooming out of the small state of Goa, onto the more national affairs. Here we go:

Ahhhhh! There is nothing sweeter than Bollywood Gossip: The best thing first: the Khans are talking with each other again! This is very good news, as the alleged feud between the 2 Bollywood kings was all over the papers for the last 2 weeks already. Aamir (last blockbuster was ‘Gajini’ – a ‘Memento’-remake – together with Bollywood-beauty Asin) was quoted as naming Shah Rukh Khan (latest as ‘Billu Barber’) the #2-actor in the country and naming his dog after him. SRK rebutted that his own dog refused to be called Aamir and so on. Finally, when it comes to money, both legends agree on a joint cause. There’s currently a struggle with distributors and producers about the payment of big multiplex cinemas for the screening of the latest Bollywood movies. Who gets how little percent and who is suffering from it the most. I’m sure they will all sort it out eventually, after all there is a constant hunger to see the latest movies on time on the big screens as well.

Interested in something psychic? In the wake of the Mumbai attacks, there is now some action by the government. The Department of Science and Technology is developing a complex human cognitive technology, which would allow reading the mind of a terrorist. No, this is not an April Fool’s day article, it came out about one week later. As many as 30 groups are involved in this program, who understand linguistics, language, physics and magnetic resonance, to understand the human cognition associated with the linguistic language processes in the mind. The idea is to integrate the technology and sensors to nail down terrorists who are plotting against the country. Ahso! Why does this remind me of the movie Minority Report with Tom Cruise? Definitely a vast interesting field!

Here is something really useful – best to be printed out: the proposed increases in Traffic Penalties for traffic violations. Most fees will soon been up to 5 times as high as now, according to a new initiative, expected to be passed later this year into law. The only problem with the fee hike is mainly that most of the money will never reached the government, as most police men are busy pocketing the money without giving recipes anyway. Already now the going rates for minor traffic offenses are as high as the culprit can pay and has currently on the person. Watches, cameras or other valuables are accepted also instead of cash, how nomad4ever-reader Mike Owen can testify. Check out these tips regarding Corrupt Traffic Cops. In short – the best tips is: don’t ever stop for the Police! Seriously.

Now this is something we all love (for article picture see above): another Bollywood topic and a nice one for sure. Who of the Bollywood heroines looks best in a bikini? India seems to agree that it’s either current superwoman Priyanka Chopra (last seen in ‘Dostana’), Kareena Kapoor (an ageing Bollywood actress) or Bispasha Basu (last seen in a bikini in ‘Dhoom 2’). Unfortunately – Deepika Padukone or Asin Thottumkal aren’t even mentioned here; but then, maybe they’re still too young; while newcomer ‘Slumdog Millionaire’ actress Freida Pinto probably didn’t shoot any bikini pictures yet.

International News:

The last section features only 2 articles, which you saw probably in other international newspapers as well:

Newly-‘selected’ Thai Prime Minister has a hard time. While in France protesters take CEO’s as hostages, in Thailand it can happen to you as the PM. 50 serious protesters prevented Mr Abhisit Vejjajiva from leaving his Pattaya beach hotel for several hours by blocking the entrances. When he snatched out secretly later, it was nevertheless noticed and his car was bombarded with plastic bottles. Thaksin’s shadow is still looming over the country via his supporters; even 2 1/2 years after the coup ousting him.

A Pakistani girl was whipped and flogged last week by Taliban in the Swat Valley region of Pakistan last week. The reason: she was “coming out of her house with another guy who was not her husband”. The girl’s brother is among the ones pinning her down and lashing out at her, for a chance of restoring his honor. This is something they ideologically believe in. What can you say?